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| Smith performing in Los Angeles, February 2003. |
I can still vividly remember the strums of the guitar as Richie exited the scene into the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror as he shaved off his beard, head, and as he whispered "I'm gonna kill myself tomorrow"....I was sixteen the first time I saw the Royal Tenenbaums, and the first time I heard the depressing vocals of Elliott Smith. I felt this instant connection with each stroke of the guitar, each whisper of the lyrics. I felt this gravitation toward Smith, and this melodic expression of my own depression. Depression and thoughts of suicide were no news to me, as I had been transported to the depressing skies of Portland only a few short months before I heard the enchanting tones of Smiths music. For me, it is where it all began. Smith's lyrics, cascaded through every corner of my mind, and spoke to the very depths of my tortured teenage soul.
Elliott Smith, and Portland is where music really began for me. I had always had an interest in the popular, but didn't really understand what "great" music was. It was moving to Portland, and finding this depressive identity that began to open up the doors musically for me.
As ten years have passed, I still find myself having such a deep connection with Smith's songs. He has seen me through years of darkness, tragic breakups, nights in bars, between the bars. Each song relates to the songs of my heart, the very essence of my soul.
Even though the rain, and the dark skies of Portland, soundtracked my the depressive tones of Smith's voice made me a recluse in my early twenties, I am thankful for the journey of discovery it bestowed upon me. It opened up the doors to a vast universe, I never knew existed.
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